Blair resigns as Party leader today / in the next few days, but stays on as PM until a sucessor has been appointed / elected. He stays aloof from the election, but privately backs Anyone But Gordon.
September 7, 2006 at 10:38 AM
Anonymous
said...
A terrorism-related national emergency is declared, with Blair declaring all this political maneouvering is inappropriate in times of such grave crisis etc. and that he staying on to see us through in our hour of need. He can also pray for us on Songs of Praise, thus achieving extended tenancy and filling in one of the legacy departure tour profile items.
September 7, 2006 at 10:39 AM
Anonymous
said...
The JUST FOR A GIGGLE
Blair reshuffles his Cabinet today, firing Brown, Millipede and the rest. Brings back Blunkett as Chancellor. (What's he got to lose?}
And we know that Brown - the big girl's blouse - hasn't the balls to fight.
Seeing the New Labour Party he created about to tear itself apart, Peter Mandelson returns from Europe to sort out all the mess.
He calms things down between the Brownites and Blairites - sets out a staggered timetable for a stable and orderly transition - formulates a coherent policy programme to begin the job of winning round the floating voters once again - then just when Brown doesn't expect it, Mandy sends rounds the heavy-mob to tie him up in a sack and throw him off Westminster Bridge.
Politics is a tough business...
September 7, 2006 at 10:42 AM
Anonymous
said...
The solution to the leadership crisis (and Gnu Labor's cash crisis) is simple.
The process should become an "X Factor" type reality TV programme. Candidates could audition for the role as PM in front of a panel of Judges with a weekly phone vote to dismiss the weakest candidate.
The benefits are that TB could chair the panel of judges thereby satisfying his craving for attention and publicity. (Other places on the panel could be awarded to those Gnu Labor financial supporters that missed out on a gong)
The Electorate would no longer be able to complain about the new leaders mandate.
The revenue from the phone-ins may reduce the financial stresses of the party and consequently reduce the power that the trade unions will be able to wield when making future policy.
A stalking horse candidate, unofficially supported by Gordon Brown after someone in the Labour Party actually has the guts to do what is difficult but not impossible.
Brown bursts into No.10 with an Uzi and guns down the Blairite inner circle, before turning the weapon on himself.
New PM is Patsy Hewitt. A nation is slowly patronised into submission: death by a thousand platitudes.
September 7, 2006 at 10:52 AM
Anonymous
said...
At noon today the clouds (it'll have clouded over conveniently) part, a golden ray of light emerges from the heavens and a deep booming (almost Brian Blessed like) voice calls out. "You have rejected my true chosen PM, I therefore damn you all to eternity in hell" and all the Brownites are whisked off to Scotland as the bells peal and joy returns to the land. Tony, Tony, wake up thats the alarm clock.
September 7, 2006 at 10:56 AM
Anonymous
said...
Downing Street criticised those junior ministers for resigning, since they weren't loyal, saying Blair would have sacked them anyway. Given this, Blair should sack Brown now! Surely he's the biggest source of disloyalty?
In the meantime, Brown looks like a total coward. Can't he say a word? The Cyclops of Kirkaldy reminds me of a villain from a Bond film, the power crazy man lurking in his bunker, sending his agents out to do the dirty work.
ello, ello, ello, would you accompany me to the station sir .
September 7, 2006 at 11:02 AM
Anonymous
said...
Gutless Gordon doesn't have the balls. He's all thought and no instinct.
Either a couple of Brown buddies do the honourable thing for him and resign from the cabinet a few hours after Tony's announcement *OR* this will drag on until a blood bath in May when Tony will announce a national holiday called "Leadership Day" and he will organise a state procession through London with marching bands to celebrate himself and Cherie.
Tories For Gordon http://rightlinks.co.uk/linked/modules/xfsection/article.php?articleid=16
He is the opponent that we want.
September 7, 2006 at 11:10 AM
Anonymous
said...
Nick Robinson doing a monolog for News24 with a slightly Egotist flavour.
September 7, 2006 at 11:17 AM
Anonymous
said...
Dirt. I smell dirt coming.
I wonder if Operation Ore might make a sudden breakthrough?
September 7, 2006 at 11:23 AM
Anonymous
said...
Who gives a toss. It will be a civil war with the full gamut of factional in-fighting. Plenty of casualties and careers and reputations in ruins and tatters. Great stuff, one can almost see the Hollywood movie, the winner emerging from the mists.....
September 7, 2006 at 11:26 AM
Anonymous
said...
The French and Germans realise that Tony Blair is a proxy for the US and Israel and does not have the best interests of Britain or Europe at heart. They assemble the massed ranks of European military and come to our rescue. Mr and Mrs Blair and the cabinet are found guilty of war crimes and treason and exiled to some rat infested, disease ridden hellhole for life. The wee pretendy parliament in Edinburgh is burnt down to quell all that boring self important blather. Britain becomes a haven for efficiency and fine wines.
September 7, 2006 at 11:30 AM
Anonymous
said...
Blair gives a date today.
A leadership contest is organised.
Straw, Miliband, Johnson, Brown + one unknown + one nutter run.
Straw wins.
Brown begins his world record attempt for the Longest Sulk in UK Political History (current holder Mr T Heath)
Cameron wins next General Election and invites Save the Earth to for a coalition.
September 7, 2006 at 11:31 AM
Anonymous
said...
Hmm, how about the
Fuck You All
Weakened demoralised, and almost bereft of power, b.liar casts one last gambit to throw all and sundry into disarray.
Accepting he must initiate a timetable for departure he agrees to do so, but as he makes the announcement on national tv insists that it is in the interests of both the party's and nations democratic process to have a full leadership race to replace him and a general election on completion of said race.
September 7, 2006 at 11:32 AM
Anonymous
said...
This is a brilliant blog entry, Mr Fawkes.
3 of the bloggers made me laugh out loud.
well done all!
September 7, 2006 at 11:40 AM
Anonymous
said...
"Tories For Gordon ... He is the opponent that we want."
More fool you.
Brown's the only one playing this week right. He doesn't have to say or do anything so long as the Blairistas are self-destructing under their own steam. "Look!" he can say when it's all over and he's moved in next door, "I was the one who did not rock the boat; My dear friend Tony sadly lost the plot; I did not. Tony had to go, although I think the straight jacket and the men in white coats was a bit over the top... I had to step in to save party and country..."
By the way, not only is Brown a Scot; so is Blair. So is Campbell, and (obviously from the name, but look at his 'family tree') so is Cameron in large part. So the choice at the next GE will be Scot, Scot or Scot.
Half the UK's 20th Century PMs were Scots or Scots by descent.
Alex Salmond of the SNP has said that although not everyone agrees with him, he thinks the English are now ready for self-government. Well, looking at the record since 1603, I think he's far too optimistic.
Which is why I'm not in Salmond's party.
September 7, 2006 at 11:41 AM
Anonymous
said...
Brown's coup suceeds. Boy George Bush liberates us from Brown. TB is reinstated as President for life in the new Parliament in Winchester, London having been rendered uninhabitable by collateral damage
Tony Blair announces his resignation and Brown drops dead of a heart attack at the suprise.
September 7, 2006 at 11:49 AM
Anonymous
said...
The Cherie Intervention
Let us not forget the influence of Mrs Blair. She's bound to beg her husband to stay on for years to come because she couldn't imagine life without those wonderful annual visits to Balmoral which she enjoys so much.
September 7, 2006 at 11:50 AM
Anonymous
said...
There is always the Derek Draper option, folks. This incidently is what my money is on.
(info on this in one Mr Draper's CIF articles on the Guardian newspaper website)
Gordon Brown is trying to break Mr Blair. Good.
However, the side of Tony Blair that he will see once he has broken Blair Mark I is not what he would be able to live with.
and again, self interest will force Mr Brown to pull back from the brink (his own brink, that is)....He just would not be able to cope with a broken Labour party.
Blair patches something together that puts the lid back on, everything goes quiet for a few weeks, then Inspector Knacker investigating the peerages stuff arrests someone a bit too close to Blair for comfort and he's forced to resign.
Or, most likely:
The slow death
Everyone in Labour patches it up and tries to continue as if nothing had happened - "row? what row?", Blears-style - but the rest of us keep reminding them of it and they get progressively weaker. Blair resigns at a time of his own choosing, Brown wins a contest against John McDonnell by a far smaller margin than he ought to have, then goes on to win the next election with a tiny majority after Cameron proves he's the new Kinnock, not the new Blair.
It's like Pete winning Big Brother - we all knew it was going to happen, but it was so boring waiting for it to play out that we had all the time in the world to invent other scenarios that were more fun.
September 7, 2006 at 11:54 AM
Anonymous
said...
Brown is addressing the Labour members of the Scottish Parliament tonight. Is he getting the regiosn behind him first?
September 7, 2006 at 11:54 AM
Anonymous
said...
'Operation Ore' and 'State of Emergency' are the two horses (erm, competing hypotheses) I'm watching.
Just hope the 'Charles Linton' cautionary tale surfaces.
ps for the cognescenti the last sentence had some quite clever puns, yes?
September 7, 2006 at 11:59 AM
Anonymous
said...
Bliar's aids on Murdoch Street discover old photos from 3 years ago, that show Gordon being filmed swimming with stingrays, during a family holiday.
Bliar, aware of present public sentiment, brings in emergency legislation to outlaw stingrays. Stingrays are declared terrorists and a threat, after Bliar's dodgy dossier department show clear links between Stingrays and Bin Laden.
Bliar orders the arrest of Brown, and his cohorts, under charges of cavorting with stingrays. Brown's career lies in ruins, tho the orange jumpsuit is quite fetching in a Silence of the Lambs sorta way.
Tony on the stairs in No 10 as the flames lick higher and the assassins gather in the lobby...
"You think you can take me? You need a fucking army if you gonna take me!
I never fucked anybody over in my life didn't have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one.
I'm Toni Blair! Say hello to my leetle fren'! "
September 7, 2006 at 12:12 PM
Anonymous
said...
Long time listener, first time caller.
For the longest time I wondered what Blair was up to to. Then it came to me, like a tuning fork struck upon a star, or was it a diamond bullet between the eyes, I forget? Anyway, Blair hates the Labour Party and intends to destroy it. That's what all the waffle about re-aligning british politics was about, so it's full frontal for me!
September 7, 2006 at 12:14 PM
Anonymous
said...
Is it any mistake that Gordon is in Edinburgh today 'addressing' Labour MSPs and making a speech on the importance of the Union. If Blair stays until end of May it could have a major impact on the Labour vote in Scotland & Wales on 3 May. SNP elected in Scotland and Plaid Cymru in Wales - now that would be a legacy.
September 7, 2006 at 12:15 PM
Anonymous
said...
Bliar declares that socialists and commies are planning to overthrow his regime.
Thus he orders the arrest of 3 Labour MPs and John Reid. Martial law is declared. Britain is under a 6pm curfue.
The threat is real says The Dodgy Dossier Dept. Bliar feels forced to stay on as Britain enters it's darkest hour.
September 7, 2006 at 12:20 PM
Anonymous
said...
Brown doesn't have the ability to be leader. But mostly he must want to get out of the Chancellorship before it all becomes completely pear shaped. Higher interest rates are coming and his profligacy will catch him out (or his successor)
September 7, 2006 at 12:25 PM
Anonymous
said...
Gordon may be in a private meeting with MSPs but ironically Mary Mulligan from West Lothian is leading the debate in the house.
September 7, 2006 at 12:40 PM
Anonymous
said...
Blair to cling to every last vestige of the incompetent, sleaze riddled Nulab miracle, fiddling while Rome burns (well Blairites/Brownites/Reidites etc having a scrap anyway. Then as the whole rotten pile of spin; corrupton and failure comes crashing down, TB on the roof of No10 screaming "look at me Ma, on top of the world".
September 7, 2006 at 12:42 PM
Anonymous
said...
Blair wakes up tomorrow feeling lousy, can't be bothered to get out of bed, gets Lady Muckbeth to draft his resignation statement, faxes it to HM and Sky News, wishes Prezza the best of luck in his new position of PM, calls next door to tell him he's a shite and a scottish shite at that and goes back to sleep. Prezza sacks Brown and his accolytes, bonks one of his younger secretaries, and goes on to be the best PM the country has ever had winning election after election. Prezza starts up the National Coal Board and opens 100 mines giving work to 350,000 miners. That's what's going to happen...
It's got to be the Aznar. This is the only solution that (1) allows Blair to get his 10 years, which is what he wants, and (2) allows for a new party leader to be in place before the devolved elections, which is what the MPs want.
September 7, 2006 at 12:59 PM
Anonymous
said...
Blair does a Shirley Williams and sets up his own party, thereby slitiing labour into old and new camps.
Tony is out of his mind, with his pension and a book deal and the wife out at work he could spend the rest of his days sat in his undies watching the racing on television, surfing the net, w******, drinking beer with his mates and going for bike rides in Hyde park when not on holiday. I say to you Tony, retire now it will be the most(only) sensible decision you have ever made in your entire life
1) The Mars Bar Gambit Brown croaks after too many deep fried mars bars and Tone appoints Byers as Chancellor 2) Knacker (Yates) of the Yard Gambit The met police now holding huge power secretly does a deal with Brown for Blair to get a peerage (the copper not the PM), for huge pension increases and free mars bars in the canteen in return for feeling Blair's collar. Blair resigns in discrace, Brown is PM 3) The MI5 Gambit MI5 let's it be known that it is investigating Blair for links to known international criminals based in Italy and for receiving bribes from them in the form of rolex watches and freebee holidays. Blair resigns in discrace, Brown is PM 4) The F**k Brown Gambit I Blair sacks brown and all the brownites, holds a press conference and says "come on if you're hard enough". Blair & Brown both lose, Cameron is PM 5) The F**k Brown Gambit II Blair resigns but puts out a statement that Brown is not a suitable PM as he is psychologically unbalanced and Blair does not support him to be the next PM Blair & Brown both lose, Reid is PM until badly losing the next election held shortly afterwards, then Cameron is PM 6) The F**k Brown Gambit III Blair refuses to name a date for his resignation and call's Brown's bluff. Resignations & sackings all round and labour party civil war ensues. Blair deposed, Brown becomes PM in leadership election. Cameron wins election held shorty afterwards. 7) The F**k Brown Gambit IV Blair declares a state of emergency as a terrorist organisation is trying to destroy the elected government. Brown acidentally gets shot dead by a copper wearing thick rubber gloves whilst they raid 11 Downing Street (the terrorist nerve centre). All terrorists, sorry Brownites are arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay (some of them enjoy the experience, especially with the guard called Julian) Blair is cerified insane and put in Broadmoor. Cameron is PM ....and so on and so on
September 7, 2006 at 1:29 PM
Anonymous
said...
The Tories swoop for Tony in the January transfer window. The BNP also declare an interest.
September 7, 2006 at 1:31 PM
Anonymous
said...
I was just wondering if the cabinet table has those execution chairs like Dr Evil had in the Austin Powers films...
September 7, 2006 at 1:36 PM
Anonymous
said...
Brown croaks after too many deep fried mars bars and Tone appoints Byers as Chancellor
No no -- Byers the outsider makes a surprise win when word is mysteriously put out that Reid's campaign has "collapsed" (i.e. the Tristan Garel-Jones Gambit, as used on D. Hurd, which long ago secured that nice Mr Major the prize). Byers, the people's favourite! What respect that man commands! With Millipaed as Chancellor? Excellent. Should render the Labour Party permanently "not fit for purpose".
September 7, 2006 at 1:44 PM
Anonymous
said...
Blair announces this afternoon that he is very sad to have to accept Brown's resignation tendered yesterday. On the grounds of mental exhaustion, and that GB will be spending more time with his family now. Cocktail Sausage anointed as his successor. Reid rolls the Treasury into the Home Office just to show us how tough his monetary policies will be. We all live happily ever after ...
September 7, 2006 at 1:51 PM
Anonymous
said...
"SNP elected in Scotland and Plaid Cymru in Wales - now that would be a legacy."
Agreed. SNP could become big enough to work with Lib Dems.
I suspect smoking ban in Scotland has already hurt labours chances, the recent events and possible timetable for next year will only make it fatal.
Brair resignes, Brown takes over, Brown loses next election to Cameron, Cameron's car knocks over dark skinned pensioner on the way to the Palace. Queen highly pissed off and appoints hereself as First Lord of the Treasury
September 7, 2006 at 1:58 PM
Anonymous
said...
1. The Blackadder Exit. All of New Labour attend a big party. Solution to crisis agreed. All drink poisoned punch and die waving legs in air.
2. The Thundercats scenario. Mumm-Ra the Everliving attempts to overthrow the stronghold but Tony pulls out the Thunder Thunder Thundercats Ho sword and blast Gordon back into the sarcophagus. Meek meek that was a close one Panthero.
3. The Bunuel scenario. A giant frog leaps out of a naked woman's head and paints a picture. Pear falls from tree. The end.
4. Otto Skorzeny gambit. Paratroops descend on Number 10 by glider and rescue Il Duce before Gordon Brown can seize control of the nuclear suitcase. A rival administration is set up in the North (Sedgefield).
September 7, 2006 at 2:05 PM
Anonymous
said...
The 'I'm very disappointed in you all' strategy.
Blair makes a lachrymose statement lauding his past glories, castigates his critics and appeals over their heads to the common decency of the British people. There is a groundswell of public sympathy, whipped up by the BBC, and Blair reluctantly agrees to stay on for another decade or two.
This might also be called the 'Leave them wanting more' strategy.
Blair bursts into tears and runs off the stage with his face in his hands. Later tonight Cherie storms round to Gordon's place with Tony in tow and makes him apologize for upsetting her little man. She makes them shake hands and make up. They both say sorry, shuffle their feet in embarrasment and go home for tea.
September 7, 2006 at 2:27 PM
Anonymous
said...
Is it not significant, ladies and gentlemen, that The Disease had a meeting this morning with Lee Hsien Loong, dynastic PM of Singapore. My instinct tells me that that TB was pumping Lee for information on how Lee's father, Lee Kwan Yew, managed to exit without losing one iota of power - designated Senior Minister under Goh Chok Tong and now as Minister Mentor (what a title!) to his son whose succession was planned over a decade ago.
Unfortunately for TB, he failed to take the necessary steps during his time in No 10 to make it work properly; Singapore's Peoples Action party (PAP) has a wonderful record in electoral manipulation and bankrupting potential opposition (helped by a compliant judiciary) that has ensured the PAP (and LKY) eternal power.
Expect moves in the next few days to guarantee that Euan is nominated as future NuLabour leader.
I can't see the Aznar option as a feasible option. Surely Gordo would hardly be tempted by such an unappealing consolation prize this late in the game. Bliar is hardly one to keep to his word- its all or nothing for GB at this point. The rat fuck option could be the one. Riger mortice would be advised not to underestimate Brown's balls!
September 7, 2006 at 3:17 PM
Anonymous
said...
ignorant peasant at 2:08 PM - pretty close to the statement we just got.
why all the excitement of having GB in number 10. It suits Cameron much better to keep Blair where he is. Another 6/9 months of this bitching will do wonders for Cam's improving electability.....So hang in Blair, you might be a shit PM and lacking any morality but you are the best asset the Tories have...Jings...
The Incurable TB visits Liz and asks to disolve Parliament. Mad Jock McManic Brown goes thermo. Frenzied panic as NeuArbeit has to get "someone" to lead before the election.
All they can agree on is the least-hated option - their "Major" moment, as Miligland, Gordo, Milburn et al are just too hated by the other camp to get a consensus.
September 7, 2006 at 4:18 PM
Anonymous
said...
The John Prescott redux option
The DP steps forward as the compromise candidate who can pour healing balm on the wounds and afflictions of the Labour Party and raise the spirits of the nation into the bargain. Why the proles up north would be dancing in the streets.....
Maybe it's a coincidence or maybe it's not maybe it's all just in your head or is it a great big plot
tadadadadadadada dadadadadada
etc
September 7, 2006 at 5:22 PM
Anonymous
said...
PM always was a great one for theatricals.
Hence, in extremis, should all else fail . . . Operation Gottedammerung.
Courtesy of Angela Merkel & under cover of darkness, Tony Schicklgruber & Eva Booth activate top secret time-share option on recently refurbished Reichstag bunker.
Focusgruppenfuhrer Mandelson, as is fitting, is on hand to render coup de grace. Boy George (Bush, that is) provides cut-price kerosene.
Lord Lloyd-Webber believed to have already sewn up musical rights. Simple.
September 7, 2006 at 5:55 PM
Anonymous
said...
Brown goes to Washington this weekend Gets fucked by George Blair resigns Monday
September 7, 2006 at 6:01 PM
Anonymous
said...
Prezza takes over the reins of power next monday with a robust agenda for the 4th term...The country is swept by a wave of joy and elation not since May '97.
David Cameron throws in the towel next tuesday. And IDS returns from oblivion in a ballot of Tory MPs desperate for a leader who can fend off the Prezza challenge. If only....
September 7, 2006 at 6:09 PM
Anonymous
said...
The nuclear option Blair has Westminster nuked while abroad, comes back, invokes the Civil Contingencies Act, becomes the Fuhrer.
September 7, 2006 at 9:37 PM
Anonymous
said...
If I HAD any money, it'd be on the RatFuck scenario, although I am very much liking Bing Crosby's Stunt Double's Thundercats scenario.
Also, the Dr.Evil execution chairs. I'm pretty sure Blair already has those, though.
September 8, 2006 at 4:27 AM
Anonymous
said...
Call me naive but why can't Blair just sack him for the tax-credits shambles, or is that no fun?
It's not like Blair wants labour to win the next election anyway, he'll be earning far too much money to want a labour government in power.
71 comments:
Blair resigns as Party leader today / in the next few days, but stays on as PM until a sucessor has been appointed / elected. He stays aloof from the election, but privately backs Anyone But Gordon.
A terrorism-related national emergency is declared, with Blair declaring all this political maneouvering is inappropriate in times of such grave crisis etc. and that he staying on to see us through in our hour of need. He can also pray for us on Songs of Praise, thus achieving extended tenancy and filling in one of the legacy departure tour profile items.
The JUST FOR A GIGGLE
Blair reshuffles his Cabinet today, firing Brown, Millipede and the rest. Brings back Blunkett as Chancellor. (What's he got to lose?}
And we know that Brown - the big girl's blouse - hasn't the balls to fight.
Sur l'autre main, neither has Yogi Blair!!
Mandy returns....
Seeing the New Labour Party he created about to tear itself apart, Peter Mandelson returns from Europe to sort out all the mess.
He calms things down between the Brownites and Blairites - sets out a staggered timetable for a stable and orderly transition - formulates a coherent policy programme to begin the job of winning round the floating voters once again - then just when Brown doesn't expect it, Mandy sends rounds the heavy-mob to tie him up in a sack and throw him off Westminster Bridge.
Politics is a tough business...
The solution to the leadership crisis (and Gnu Labor's cash crisis) is simple.
The process should become an "X Factor" type reality TV programme. Candidates could audition for the role as PM in front of a panel of Judges with a weekly phone vote to dismiss the weakest candidate.
The benefits are that TB could chair the panel of judges thereby satisfying his craving for attention and publicity.
(Other places on the panel could be awarded to those Gnu Labor financial supporters that missed out on a gong)
The Electorate would no longer be able to complain about the new leaders mandate.
The revenue from the phone-ins may reduce the financial stresses of the party and consequently reduce the power that the trade unions will be able to wield when making future policy.
A stalking horse candidate, unofficially supported by Gordon Brown after someone in the Labour Party actually has the guts to do what is difficult but not impossible.
Labour? Guts? 1000-1 shot.
The Nepalese Royal Family gambit:
Brown bursts into No.10 with an Uzi and guns down the Blairite inner circle, before turning the weapon on himself.
New PM is Patsy Hewitt. A nation is slowly patronised into submission: death by a thousand platitudes.
At noon today the clouds (it'll have clouded over conveniently) part, a golden ray of light emerges from the heavens and a deep booming (almost Brian Blessed like) voice calls out. "You have rejected my true chosen PM, I therefore damn you all to eternity in hell" and all the Brownites are whisked off to Scotland as the bells peal and joy returns to the land.
Tony, Tony, wake up thats the alarm clock.
Downing Street criticised those junior ministers for resigning, since they weren't loyal, saying Blair would have sacked them anyway. Given this, Blair should sack Brown now! Surely he's the biggest source of disloyalty?
In the meantime, Brown looks like a total coward. Can't he say a word? The Cyclops of Kirkaldy reminds me of a villain from a Bond film, the power crazy man lurking in his bunker, sending his agents out to do the dirty work.
ello, ello, ello, would you accompany me to the station sir
.
Gutless Gordon doesn't have the balls. He's all thought and no instinct.
Either a couple of Brown buddies do the honourable thing for him and resign from the cabinet a few hours after Tony's announcement *OR* this will drag on until a blood bath in May when Tony will announce a national holiday called "Leadership Day" and he will organise a state procession through London with marching bands to celebrate himself and Cherie.
Daily Mail web site now reporting that Tony will go on 4 May. Doesn't say which 4 May.
Brown will have a heart attack. They all have heart attacks.
What date's your money on now Guido?
Gordon Brown wants to be leader, shame he can't show an ounce of leadership.
Tories For Gordon
http://rightlinks.co.uk/linked/modules/xfsection/article.php?articleid=16
He is the opponent that we want.
Nick Robinson doing a monolog for News24 with a slightly Egotist flavour.
Dirt. I smell dirt coming.
I wonder if Operation Ore might make a sudden breakthrough?
Who gives a toss.
It will be a civil war with the full gamut of factional in-fighting.
Plenty of casualties and careers and reputations in ruins and tatters.
Great stuff, one can almost see the Hollywood movie, the winner emerging from the mists.....
The French and Germans realise that Tony Blair is a proxy for the US and Israel and does not have the best interests of Britain or Europe at heart. They assemble the massed ranks of European military and come to our rescue. Mr and Mrs Blair and the cabinet are found guilty of war crimes and treason and exiled to some rat infested, disease ridden hellhole for life. The wee pretendy parliament in Edinburgh is burnt down to quell all that boring self important blather. Britain becomes a haven for efficiency and fine wines.
Blair gives a date today.
A leadership contest is organised.
Straw, Miliband, Johnson, Brown + one unknown + one nutter run.
Straw wins.
Brown begins his world record attempt for the Longest Sulk in UK Political History (current holder Mr T Heath)
Cameron wins next General Election and invites Save the Earth to for a coalition.
Hmm, how about the
Fuck You All
Weakened demoralised, and almost bereft of power, b.liar casts one last gambit to throw all and sundry into disarray.
Accepting he must initiate a timetable for departure he agrees to do so, but as he makes the announcement on national tv insists that it is in the interests of both the party's and nations democratic process to have a full leadership race to replace him and a general election on completion of said race.
This is a brilliant blog entry, Mr Fawkes.
3 of the bloggers made me laugh out loud.
well done all!
"Tories For Gordon ... He is the opponent that we want."
More fool you.
Brown's the only one playing this week right. He doesn't have to say or do anything so long as the Blairistas are self-destructing under their own steam. "Look!" he can say when it's all over and he's moved in next door, "I was the one who did not rock the boat; My dear friend Tony sadly lost the plot; I did not. Tony had to go, although I think the straight jacket and the men in white coats was a bit over the top... I had to step in to save party and country..."
By the way, not only is Brown a Scot; so is Blair. So is Campbell, and (obviously from the name, but look at his 'family tree') so is Cameron in large part. So the choice at the next GE will be Scot, Scot or Scot.
Half the UK's 20th Century PMs were Scots or Scots by descent.
Alex Salmond of the SNP has said that although not everyone agrees with him, he thinks the English are now ready for self-government. Well, looking at the record since 1603, I think he's far too optimistic.
Which is why I'm not in Salmond's party.
Brown's coup suceeds. Boy George Bush liberates us from Brown. TB is reinstated as President for life in the new Parliament in Winchester, London having been rendered uninhabitable by collateral damage
He won't be naming a date this afternoon, so forget the TBV for the moment.
If was Blair I'd sit back and count on the brooding neighbour to blow it.
Tony Blair announces his resignation and Brown drops dead of a heart attack at the suprise.
The Cherie Intervention
Let us not forget the influence of Mrs Blair. She's bound to beg her husband to stay on for years to come because she couldn't imagine life without those wonderful annual visits to Balmoral which she enjoys so much.
There is always the Derek Draper option, folks. This incidently is what my money is on.
(info on this in one Mr Draper's CIF articles on the Guardian newspaper website)
Gordon Brown is trying to break Mr Blair. Good.
However, the side of Tony Blair that he will see once he has broken Blair Mark I is not what he would be able to live with.
and again, self interest will force Mr Brown to pull back from the brink (his own brink, that is)....He just would not be able to cope with a broken Labour party.
The long arm of the law
Blair patches something together that puts the lid back on, everything goes quiet for a few weeks, then Inspector Knacker investigating the peerages stuff arrests someone a bit too close to Blair for comfort and he's forced to resign.
Or, most likely:
The slow death
Everyone in Labour patches it up and tries to continue as if nothing had happened - "row? what row?", Blears-style - but the rest of us keep reminding them of it and they get progressively weaker. Blair resigns at a time of his own choosing, Brown wins a contest against John McDonnell by a far smaller margin than he ought to have, then goes on to win the next election with a tiny majority after Cameron proves he's the new Kinnock, not the new Blair.
It's like Pete winning Big Brother - we all knew it was going to happen, but it was so boring waiting for it to play out that we had all the time in the world to invent other scenarios that were more fun.
Brown is addressing the Labour members of the Scottish Parliament tonight. Is he getting the regiosn behind him first?
'Operation Ore' and 'State of Emergency' are the two horses (erm, competing hypotheses) I'm watching.
Just hope the 'Charles Linton' cautionary tale surfaces.
ps for the cognescenti the last sentence had some quite clever puns, yes?
Bliar's aids on Murdoch Street discover old photos from 3 years ago, that show Gordon being filmed swimming with stingrays, during a family holiday.
Bliar, aware of present public sentiment, brings in emergency legislation to outlaw stingrays. Stingrays are declared terrorists and a threat, after Bliar's dodgy dossier department show clear links between Stingrays and Bin Laden.
Bliar orders the arrest of Brown, and his cohorts, under charges of cavorting with stingrays. Brown's career lies in ruins, tho the orange jumpsuit is quite fetching in a Silence of the Lambs sorta way.
The Scarface
Tony on the stairs in No 10 as the flames lick higher and the assassins gather in the lobby...
"You think you can take me? You need a fucking army if you gonna take me!
I never fucked anybody over in my life didn't have it coming to them. You got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one.
I'm Toni Blair! Say hello to my leetle fren'! "
Long time listener, first time caller.
For the longest time I wondered what Blair was up to to. Then it came to me, like a tuning fork struck upon a star, or was it a diamond bullet between the eyes, I forget? Anyway, Blair hates the Labour Party and intends to destroy it. That's what all the waffle about re-aligning british politics was about, so it's full frontal for me!
Is it any mistake that Gordon is in Edinburgh today 'addressing' Labour MSPs and making a speech on the importance of the Union. If Blair stays until end of May it could have a major impact on the Labour vote in Scotland & Wales on 3 May. SNP elected in Scotland and Plaid Cymru in Wales - now that would be a legacy.
Bliar declares that socialists and commies are planning to overthrow his regime.
Thus he orders the arrest of 3 Labour MPs and John Reid. Martial law is declared. Britain is under a 6pm curfue.
The threat is real says The Dodgy Dossier Dept. Bliar feels forced to stay on as Britain enters it's darkest hour.
Brown doesn't have the ability to be leader. But mostly he must want to get out of the Chancellorship before it all becomes completely pear shaped. Higher interest rates are coming and his profligacy will catch him out (or his successor)
Gordon may be in a private meeting with MSPs but ironically Mary Mulligan from West Lothian is leading the debate in the house.
Blair to cling to every last vestige of the incompetent, sleaze riddled Nulab miracle, fiddling while Rome burns (well Blairites/Brownites/Reidites etc having a scrap anyway. Then as the whole rotten pile of spin; corrupton and failure comes crashing down, TB on the roof of No10 screaming "look at me Ma, on top of the world".
Blair wakes up tomorrow feeling lousy, can't be bothered to get out of bed, gets Lady Muckbeth to draft his resignation statement, faxes it to HM and Sky News, wishes Prezza the best of luck in his new position of PM, calls next door to tell him he's a shite and a scottish shite at that and goes back to sleep. Prezza sacks Brown and his accolytes, bonks one of his younger secretaries, and goes on to be the best PM the country has ever had winning election after election. Prezza starts up the National Coal Board and opens 100 mines giving work to 350,000 miners. That's what's going to happen...
It's got to be the Aznar. This is the only solution that (1) allows Blair to get his 10 years, which is what he wants, and (2) allows for a new party leader to be in place before the devolved elections, which is what the MPs want.
Blair does a Shirley Williams and sets up his own party, thereby slitiing labour into old and new camps.
Tony is out of his mind,
with his pension and a book deal and the wife out at work he could spend the rest of his days sat in his undies watching the racing on television, surfing the net, w******, drinking beer with his mates and going for bike rides in Hyde park when not on holiday.
I say to you Tony, retire now it will be the most(only) sensible decision you have ever made in your entire life
1) The Mars Bar Gambit
Brown croaks after too many deep fried mars bars and Tone appoints Byers as Chancellor
2) Knacker (Yates) of the Yard Gambit
The met police now holding huge power secretly does a deal with Brown for Blair to get a peerage (the copper not the PM), for huge pension increases and free mars bars in the canteen in return for feeling Blair's collar. Blair resigns in discrace, Brown is PM
3) The MI5 Gambit
MI5 let's it be known that it is investigating Blair for links to known international criminals based in Italy and for receiving bribes from them in the form of rolex watches and freebee holidays. Blair resigns in discrace, Brown is PM
4) The F**k Brown Gambit I
Blair sacks brown and all the brownites, holds a press conference and says "come on if you're hard enough". Blair & Brown both lose, Cameron is PM
5) The F**k Brown Gambit II
Blair resigns but puts out a statement that Brown is not a suitable PM as he is psychologically unbalanced and Blair does not support him to be the next PM
Blair & Brown both lose, Reid is PM until badly losing the next election held shortly afterwards, then Cameron is PM
6) The F**k Brown Gambit III
Blair refuses to name a date for his resignation and call's Brown's bluff. Resignations & sackings all round and labour party civil war ensues. Blair deposed, Brown becomes PM in leadership election. Cameron wins election held shorty afterwards.
7) The F**k Brown Gambit IV
Blair declares a state of emergency as a terrorist organisation is trying to destroy the elected government. Brown acidentally gets shot dead by a copper wearing thick rubber gloves whilst they raid 11 Downing Street (the terrorist nerve centre). All terrorists, sorry Brownites are arrested and sent to Guantanamo Bay (some of them enjoy the experience, especially with the guard called Julian)
Blair is cerified insane and put in Broadmoor. Cameron is PM
....and so on and so on
The Tories swoop for Tony in the January transfer window. The BNP also declare an interest.
I was just wondering if the cabinet table has those execution chairs like Dr Evil had in the Austin Powers films...
Brown croaks after too many deep fried mars bars and Tone appoints Byers as Chancellor
No no -- Byers the outsider makes a surprise win when word is mysteriously put out that Reid's campaign has "collapsed" (i.e. the Tristan Garel-Jones Gambit, as used on D. Hurd, which long ago secured that nice Mr Major the prize). Byers, the people's favourite! What respect that man commands! With Millipaed as Chancellor? Excellent. Should render the Labour Party permanently "not fit for purpose".
Blair announces this afternoon that he is very sad to have to accept Brown's resignation tendered yesterday.
On the grounds of mental exhaustion, and that GB will be spending more time with his family now.
Cocktail Sausage anointed as his successor.
Reid rolls the Treasury into the Home Office just to show us how tough his monetary policies will be.
We all live happily ever after ...
"SNP elected in Scotland and Plaid Cymru in Wales - now that would be a legacy."
Agreed. SNP could become big enough to work with Lib Dems.
I suspect smoking ban in Scotland has already hurt labours chances, the recent events and possible timetable for next year will only make it fatal.
Brair resignes, Brown takes over, Brown loses next election to Cameron, Cameron's car knocks over dark skinned pensioner on the way to the Palace. Queen highly pissed off and appoints hereself as First Lord of the Treasury
1. The Blackadder Exit. All of New Labour attend a big party. Solution to crisis agreed. All drink poisoned punch and die waving legs in air.
2. The Thundercats scenario. Mumm-Ra the Everliving attempts to overthrow the stronghold but Tony pulls out the Thunder Thunder Thundercats Ho sword and blast Gordon back into the sarcophagus. Meek meek that was a close one Panthero.
3. The Bunuel scenario. A giant frog leaps out of a naked woman's head and paints a picture. Pear falls from tree. The end.
4. Otto Skorzeny gambit. Paratroops descend on Number 10 by glider and rescue Il Duce before Gordon Brown can seize control of the nuclear suitcase. A rival administration is set up in the North (Sedgefield).
The 'I'm very disappointed in you all' strategy.
Blair makes a lachrymose statement lauding his past glories, castigates his critics and appeals over their heads to the common decency of the British people. There is a groundswell of public sympathy, whipped up by the BBC, and Blair reluctantly agrees to stay on for another decade or two.
This might also be called the 'Leave them wanting more' strategy.
is lachrymose some kind of sexual disease?
Blair bursts into tears and runs off the stage with his face in his hands. Later tonight Cherie storms round to Gordon's place with Tony in tow and makes him apologize for upsetting her little man. She makes them shake hands and make up. They both say sorry, shuffle their feet in embarrasment and go home for tea.
Is it not significant, ladies and gentlemen, that The Disease had a meeting this morning with Lee Hsien Loong, dynastic PM of Singapore. My instinct tells me that that TB was pumping Lee for information on how Lee's father, Lee Kwan Yew, managed to exit without losing one iota of power - designated Senior Minister under Goh Chok Tong and now as Minister Mentor (what a title!) to his son whose succession was planned over a decade ago.
Unfortunately for TB, he failed to take the necessary steps during his time in No 10 to make it work properly; Singapore's Peoples Action party (PAP) has a wonderful record in electoral manipulation and bankrupting potential opposition (helped by a compliant judiciary) that has ensured the PAP (and LKY) eternal power.
Expect moves in the next few days to guarantee that Euan is nominated as future NuLabour leader.
As I write this the Rat Fuck option looks favourite....
I'm with skipper.Brown doesn't have the balls,Blair does
I can't see the Aznar option as a feasible option. Surely Gordo would hardly be tempted by such an unappealing consolation prize this late in the game. Bliar is hardly one to keep to his word- its all or nothing for GB at this point. The rat fuck option could be the one. Riger mortice would be advised not to underestimate Brown's balls!
ignorant peasant at 2:08 PM - pretty close to the statement we just got.
why all the excitement of having GB in number 10. It suits Cameron much better to keep Blair where he is. Another 6/9 months of this bitching will do wonders for Cam's improving electability.....So hang in Blair, you might be a shit PM and lacking any morality but you are the best asset the Tories have...Jings...
Rat Fuck it is.
Brown - what a plonker.
The Stuff U-All Gambit.
The Incurable TB visits Liz and asks to disolve Parliament. Mad Jock McManic Brown goes thermo. Frenzied panic as NeuArbeit has to get "someone" to lead before the election.
All they can agree on is the least-hated option - their "Major" moment, as Miligland, Gordo, Milburn et al are just too hated by the other camp to get a consensus.
The John Prescott redux option
The DP steps forward as the compromise candidate who can pour healing balm on the wounds and afflictions of the Labour Party and raise the spirits of the nation into the bargain. Why the proles up north would be dancing in the streets.....
As for Gordon,it's time to pounce....
Oliver Stone is in England today. Coincidence?
Maybe it's a coincidence
or maybe it's not
maybe it's all just in your head
or is it a great big plot
tadadadadadadada
dadadadadada
etc
PM always was a great one for theatricals.
Hence, in extremis, should all else fail . . . Operation Gottedammerung.
Courtesy of Angela Merkel & under cover of darkness, Tony Schicklgruber & Eva Booth activate top secret time-share option on recently refurbished Reichstag bunker.
Focusgruppenfuhrer Mandelson, as is fitting, is on hand to render coup de grace. Boy George (Bush, that is) provides cut-price kerosene.
Lord Lloyd-Webber believed to have already sewn up musical rights. Simple.
Brown goes to Washington this weekend
Gets fucked by George
Blair resigns Monday
Prezza takes over the reins of power next monday with a robust agenda for the 4th term...The country is swept by a wave of joy and elation not since May '97.
David Cameron throws in the towel next tuesday. And IDS returns from oblivion in a ballot of Tory MPs desperate for a leader who can fend off the Prezza challenge.
If only....
The nuclear option
Blair has Westminster nuked while abroad, comes back, invokes the Civil Contingencies Act, becomes the Fuhrer.
If I HAD any money, it'd be on the RatFuck scenario, although I am very much liking Bing Crosby's Stunt Double's Thundercats scenario.
Also, the Dr.Evil execution chairs. I'm pretty sure Blair already has those, though.
Call me naive but why can't Blair just sack him for the tax-credits shambles, or is that no fun?
It's not like Blair wants labour to win the next election anyway, he'll be earning far too much money to want a labour government in power.