You may not remember me, but we met at a recent party hosted by the ex King of Greece. We were standing in the queue waiting whilst the 'dethroned one'(as you cheekily referred to him) was slicing the Doner Kebab. You admired my dress 'tantalising inviting' you said.
Well, I didn't invite you then but I am responding to your invite for a 'researcher'. I am told I can find a needle in a haystack (which is not a pun about your hair) and I am rather energetic when between the sheets....of a good book, obviously.
From our only short but sexually charged meeting I know that I would love to work for you in any position. My oral work being almost as good as my written.
So, there you have it. My application for the job of the moment. The chance to rub shoulders,thighs, etc etc with darling Boris.
Yours sincerely,
Petronella Smith.
ps. when do I start?
August 12, 2006 at 11:39 AM
Anonymous
said...
um, I spot a plagiarism opportunity here -- lots of 500-word essays to plunder!
Once when Constantine of Greece was visiting Buck House, a reporter referred to him as 'ex-King Constantine'. The Buck House spokesman replied loftily: 'As far as Buckingham Palace is concerned, there are NO ex-kings'.
August 12, 2006 at 12:09 PM
Anonymous
said...
Guido,
i could not find the "advert" at http://www.boris-johnson.com/
please advise. thanks!
an interested party.
August 12, 2006 at 12:27 PM
Anonymous
said...
Why does Boris need a researcher? He appears to have emerged from the womb with a complete set of fully-formed opinions. Facts would just get in the way.
Today's Grauniad has suddenly woken up to Cameron's '15' Old Etonians, of whom 'most went on to Oxbridge'. Hack Matthew Taylor backs up his non-story with a list of 14 OEs, of whom merely 5 went on to Oxbridge. If anyone needs a researcher ("bright, energetic, ever-so-slightly numerate") it is surely Taylor.
August 12, 2006 at 12:48 PM
Anonymous
said...
The advert is a bit vague about pay and totty opportunities.
I'm Boris would let you have a few scraps off his table...
methinks it's not your totty oppurtunities he's interested in
August 12, 2006 at 1:11 PM
Anonymous
said...
Should you have three options after the word "either"?
August 12, 2006 at 2:24 PM
Anonymous
said...
I suspect that Mrs Boris will be acting as arbiter here, to ensure that temptation does not get in the way of the job! Surely the job spec and entry qualification are discriminatory in this day and age. Where's cherie when you need her for a quick bit of extortion.
In the unlikely event that your application to Mr Johnson should prove unsuccessful, I will be pleased to offer you a position - I have spent several years specialising in Ugandan studies and am now in need of an enthusiastic and energetic personal assistant. The salary is modest but the work is hugely satisfying.
I used to really admire Boris Johnson... properly bright, experienced, articulate (on paper) and accomplished.
All that promise gave way to his resident act as the Westminster village idiot. Does anyone find the synthetic-bumbling and affected shambles, amusing?
Do you PIN your mobile phone Boris ? Maybe you should get a male researcher and keep Marina more contented in Mexico.............unless you do a Shaun Woodward that is
August 13, 2006 at 11:10 AM
Anonymous
said...
WAKE UP GUIDO. Baiting us all like this is a nasty trick...one I must remember to use in future.
I absolutely adore Putney. I am, though, slightly concerned about age.
'Ugandan Affairs' was termed in the days of dear old Idi(Amin), in Private Eye, when the television star editor was the tea boy I believe, so that does make your offer less than attractive.Please assure me you are not 1. Bed Ridden. 2.A Zimmer Frame user. 3. Holder of a bus pass.
If you could give me some hint of your wealth and cars and properties owned, that would make quite a material difference. Indeed it would ensure that our relationship would quickly develop. I would love to try as many positions as possible, before becoming your controlling madame.
Thank you for your kind offer. I will contact you, via the Guido relationship blog! as soon as I hear from darling Boris (Yank or not)I repeat for the benefit of those rather rude people YANK.
August 13, 2006 at 2:18 PM
Anonymous
said...
Welcome back. I'm still going to beat you in this competition: my boobies are way better than yours.
August 13, 2006 at 2:27 PM
Anonymous
said...
Rosbif, you forgot to mention Boris's (probable) failure to register for the draft.
August 13, 2006 at 2:28 PM
Anonymous
said...
Prodicus said...'As far as Buckingham Palace is concerned, there are NO ex-kings'.12:09 PM
I`m sure Blair would agree,a King is always a King and a Queen is always a Queen.
The United States Defense Department quietly asked Congress to raise the maximum recruitment age to 42, about a month ago. (The army.com site says that this had already happened, at the end of June.) Boris is 42, isn't he? I'd be having nightmares about the draft being reinstated. You, Boris, a magnificent figure of mature US citizenry, fighting for Uncle Sam in Iran - yes, Iran - I can't quite visualise it yet.
August 13, 2006 at 8:50 PM
Anonymous
said...
moko - speaking of which, how many clocked Princess Tony's poitrine onboard the yacht 'Good Vibrations'? Mask the head and you would think it was a topless woman.
Is Tony on medication of some kind?
August 14, 2006 at 2:59 AM
Anonymous
said...
Verity...got a link for that picture? I'm trying to psych myself out of a bizarre and perverse crush I seem to have developed on the man, and that image sounds like just the trick. Moobs = not good.
Here is the Mail on Sunday story that goes with that picture of our Dictator's "bold and defiant" swimming trunks.
August 14, 2006 at 4:45 PM
Anonymous
said...
Thank you. It's a good thing I haven't had breakfast...
August 15, 2006 at 1:57 AM
Anonymous
said...
Melissa - I think Guido must have got it from the Guardian 'Diary' where it appeared on Friday. I submitted it to them, as I spotted it on w4mp, a website I've been looking at for internships.
If Guido had seen it in the Guardian Diary he would not have run with it.
Point of pride.
It was emailed in by a co-conspirator.
August 15, 2006 at 2:51 PM
Anonymous
said...
Verity said...moko - speaking of which, how many clocked Princess Tony's poitrine onboard the yacht 'Good Vibrations'? Mask the head and you would think it was a topless woman.Is Tony on medication of some kind?2:59 AM
Maybe he`s going to follow the lead of New Zealand MP Georgina Beyer,formally George.Given his obsession with Thatcher the mind boggles at quite what form this might take.Desperate to "leave his mark on history" in some other respect than that of "war-mongering habitual liar" he`s possibly aiming at "First Lesbian Prime Minister" if he can cling on to power long enough post-op..either that or he`s a bloke with big tits
31 comments:
Dearest Boris,
You may not remember me, but we met at a recent party hosted by the ex King of Greece. We were standing in the queue waiting whilst the 'dethroned one'(as you cheekily referred to him) was slicing the Doner Kebab. You admired my dress 'tantalising inviting' you said.
Well, I didn't invite you then but I am responding to your invite for a 'researcher'. I am told I can find a needle in a haystack (which is not a pun about your hair) and I am rather energetic when between the sheets....of a good book, obviously.
From our only short but sexually charged meeting I know that I would love to work for you in any position. My oral work being almost as good as my written.
So, there you have it. My application for the job of the moment. The chance to rub shoulders,thighs, etc etc with darling Boris.
Yours sincerely,
Petronella Smith.
ps. when do I start?
um, I spot a plagiarism opportunity here -- lots of 500-word essays to plunder!
Guido, you bitch, I will bury you.
Besides, I have better tits.
The pay scales for MP's support staff are here "http://w4mporgz.spike.dotnetted.co.uk/html/library/salaries/payrates_apr2006.pdf"
Recommended starting pay in the provinces (you can feel the shudder) is £13,216 a year.
So, 250 quid a week. No mention of totty, I suppose that is an off-scale benefit.
Once when Constantine of Greece was visiting Buck House, a reporter referred to him as 'ex-King Constantine'. The Buck House spokesman replied loftily: 'As far as Buckingham Palace is concerned, there are NO ex-kings'.
Guido,
i could not find the "advert" at http://www.boris-johnson.com/
please advise. thanks!
an interested party.
Why does Boris need a researcher? He appears to have emerged from the womb with a complete set of fully-formed opinions. Facts would just get in the way.
Today's Grauniad has suddenly woken up to Cameron's '15' Old Etonians, of whom 'most went on to Oxbridge'. Hack Matthew Taylor backs up his non-story with a list of 14 OEs, of whom merely 5 went on to Oxbridge. If anyone needs a researcher ("bright, energetic, ever-so-slightly numerate") it is surely Taylor.
The advert is a bit vague about pay and totty opportunities.
I'm Boris would let you have a few scraps off his table...
methinks it's not your totty oppurtunities he's interested in
Should you have three options after the word "either"?
I suspect that Mrs Boris will be acting as arbiter here, to ensure that temptation does not get in the way of the job!
Surely the job spec and entry qualification are discriminatory in this day and age.
Where's cherie when you need her for a quick bit of extortion.
Funny post, Guido, and funny post, Strapworld!!
Dear Strapworld,
In the unlikely event that your application to Mr Johnson should prove unsuccessful, I will be pleased to offer you a position - I have spent several years specialising in Ugandan studies and am now in need of an enthusiastic and energetic personal assistant. The salary is modest but the work is hugely satisfying.
I used to really admire Boris Johnson... properly bright, experienced, articulate (on paper) and accomplished.
All that promise gave way to his resident act as the Westminster village idiot. Does anyone find the synthetic-bumbling and affected shambles, amusing?
Please don't give him any more limelight Guido.
Ahem....one picture of a Government minister breaking the law, please!
(or are you now Labour's official blogger?)
PS to Boris: congratulations on renouncing your American citizenship with such style and panache.
Do you PIN your mobile phone Boris ? Maybe you should get a male researcher and keep Marina more contented in Mexico.............unless you do a Shaun Woodward that is
WAKE UP GUIDO. Baiting us all like this is a nasty trick...one I must remember to use in future.
Dear Peter from Putney,
I absolutely adore Putney. I am, though, slightly concerned about age.
'Ugandan Affairs' was termed in the days of dear old Idi(Amin), in Private Eye, when the television star editor was the tea boy I believe, so that does make your offer less than attractive.Please assure me you are not 1. Bed Ridden. 2.A Zimmer Frame user. 3. Holder of a bus pass.
If you could give me some hint of your wealth and cars and properties owned, that would make quite a material difference. Indeed it would ensure that our relationship would quickly develop. I would love to try as many positions as possible, before becoming your controlling madame.
Thank you for your kind offer. I will contact you, via the Guido relationship blog! as soon as I hear from darling Boris (Yank or not)I repeat for the benefit of those rather rude people YANK.
Welcome back. I'm still going to beat you in this competition: my boobies are way better than yours.
Rosbif, you forgot to mention Boris's (probable) failure to register for the draft.
Prodicus said...'As far as Buckingham Palace is concerned, there are NO ex-kings'.12:09 PM
I`m sure Blair would agree,a King is always a King and a Queen is always a Queen.
The United States Defense Department quietly asked Congress to raise the maximum recruitment age to 42, about a month ago. (The army.com site says that this had already happened, at the end of June.) Boris is 42, isn't he? I'd be having nightmares about the draft being reinstated. You, Boris, a magnificent figure of mature US citizenry, fighting for Uncle Sam in Iran - yes, Iran - I can't quite visualise it yet.
moko - speaking of which, how many clocked Princess Tony's poitrine onboard the yacht 'Good Vibrations'? Mask the head and you would think it was a topless woman.
Is Tony on medication of some kind?
Verity...got a link for that picture? I'm trying to psych myself out of a bizarre and perverse crush I seem to have developed on the man, and that image sounds like just the trick. Moobs = not good.
God obviously wants to keep me humble.
raincoaster, here ya go:
http://www.drudgereport.com/tbs.jpg
and even bigger
http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2006/08/cherietonySPL130806_600x600.jpg
Here is the Mail on Sunday story that goes with that picture of our Dictator's "bold and defiant" swimming trunks.
raincoaster, here ya go:
http://www.drudgereport.com/tbs.jpg
and even bigger
http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2006/08/cherietonySPL130806_600x600.jpg
Here is the Mail on Sunday story that goes with that picture of our Dictator's "bold and defiant" swimming trunks.
Thank you. It's a good thing I haven't had breakfast...
Melissa - I think Guido must have got it from the Guardian 'Diary' where it appeared on Friday. I submitted it to them, as I spotted it on w4mp, a website I've been looking at for internships.
Anonymong,
If Guido had seen it in the Guardian Diary he would not have run with it.
Point of pride.
It was emailed in by a co-conspirator.
Verity said...moko - speaking of which, how many clocked Princess Tony's poitrine onboard the yacht 'Good Vibrations'? Mask the head and you would think it was a topless woman.Is Tony on medication of some kind?2:59 AM
Maybe he`s going to follow the lead of New Zealand MP Georgina Beyer,formally George.Given his obsession with Thatcher the mind boggles at quite what form this might take.Desperate to "leave his mark on history" in some other respect than that of "war-mongering habitual liar" he`s possibly aiming at "First Lesbian Prime Minister" if he can cling on to power long enough post-op..either that or he`s a bloke with big tits